David Haye is in-FURY-ating

Haye drove me to laundry

 I’ve been trying to write an article about David Haye for the last week but it’s infuriating; just like Haye himself.  It’s impossible to pin down the dichotomy of disappointment and promise that characterizes Haye’s career without getting so angry you have to stop writing and fold some laundry. So I am going to say this just to get it out, move on and do my washing another time.

Haye is really likeable but has let me down with that nonsense Audley Harrison fight and that bullshit toe excuse after the Wladamir fight. I mean… honestly. Then after all that talk just to quit because you turn 30 and THEN “comeback” in that soap opera of a Chisora fight. Good Lord.  Even if Haye did cap that debacle with an impressive knockout of the solid chinned Chisora – the palaver leading up to it was ludicrous. I love a bit of scandal and press conference 

Haye bottling it.   

brawls are meat and drink for boxing but it was all a bit pathetic. It even seemed choreographed. Haye cannot possibly have gone to that press conference to challenge Vitali. He had precious little credibility after the Wladimir fight and his infamous toe excuse. Anyway, it was a fight that Haye had already talked himself into and out of so many times, would Vitali have been obligated to take the bait yet again? Absolutely not. Maybe Chisora was in on it, maybe not. Either way, Haye knew something would come from that press conference that would make him lots of money – no matter how cheap a move it was. Haye is an explosive puncher and a great talker. He even managed to make the show: “I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here” watchable. I hope and expect him to grind that squeaky voiced Scouser, Tyson Fury, into dust and then actually use that momentum to get himself a credible fight with Deontay Wilder, Seth Mitchell, or even Tony Thompson. Then will be able to actually deservedly ask  Vitali Klitchko to fight him or get a Wladimir rematch. Deserving...hmm. Let's talk about that.

Great shot of Ruiz there....wait...uhm....

When John Ruiz fought Haye, the Londoner made fun of him in quite a catty, personal and rather unnecessarily  unsavory way. “He’s boring, he’s been rejected by both Americans and Mexicans” he said about Ruiz. That was douchey. Brits would have bought that fight regardless such was the euphoria and excitement of having a domestic world champion once again; Haye’s trash talk  wasn’t necessary. The truth was Ruiz deserved to be there. He was a number 1 contender and former world champion who had done it the hard way. 36 rounds with Evander Holyfield, 12 with Roy Jones Jr, 12 with Hasim Rahman, 12 with Andrew Golota, 12 with James Toney and 24 with Valuev. This was someone who deserved his shot. Haye gave an impressive performance but Ruiz showed real guts and at 38 – the heart of a champion getting up after several knock downs to keep coming forward. Haye was also guilty of a number of rabbit punches that British fans like to overlook.

That's the spirit, David!

Now in this latest comeback, Haye has already pulled out of a Manuel Charr fight because of an injury and then very soon after announced this Fury fight. I wonder if it has anything to do with how much more money he will make from a wilfully deceived British public. Again. Against a fighter he should easily beat. Again. There is nothing wrong with choosing more lucrative fights but the excuse was cynical and it all adds to the legacy of short cuts and bullshit Haye will leave behind. Unless he’s serious this time. A commanding win over Fury, another win over a legitimate, hopefully American heavyweight and then another stab at the Klitchko’s and he’ll have done enough. Don’t do it for us, David. Do it for yourself.

Richard “Sugar” Schaefer - It’s time he got a nickname.

"Don't be cheeky, Floyd"

Richard Schaefer was at the centre of a smidgen of controversy at the Los Angeles presser for Mayweather vs Canelo last week; Mayweather’s fault of course. Floyd excessively praised Schaefer, excessively ignored Oscar, implied that Schaefer effectively ran Goldenboy and indirectly said that Oscar De La Hoya was a poopy pants who couldn’t come to his birthday party.

It was exciting and awkward to witness – a little bit of office niggle always is. I don’t know what the technical term for Oscar and Floyd’s business arrangement is but put it this way, wouldn’t it be awesome to tell Clive in accounting that he was a twat? Floyd played favourites but Richard Schaefer defused the agro. How did he do it? Pretty simple. He laughed it off and focused on the positives. Then “Sugar” Schaefer hopped off the stage to make himself available for the press and gave me some ruddy good copy.

"I'm Sugar Schaefer and I make shweet deelsh!"

Schaefer is Swiss and therefore really bright. Switzerland is not all army knives wartime neutrality and cratered cheeses; they have a sensational educational system where everyone ends up tri-lingual and well dressed. Schaefer is no different. We chatted in French because I wanted to show off and then he answered my questions (in English) directly and enthusiastically. Schaefer has brought a level of professionalism to boxing promoting the fruits of which we will enjoy on September 14^th.  A good businessman finds ways to make deals that make sense for everyone and creates an environment where further business can be done; or they completely eviscerate the competition. “Sugar” Schaefer is doing both.

Al Haymon: bagged himself some good fighters. 

The deals he most often makes are with Al Haymon. The mysterious, invisible Thomas Pyncheon of boxing. While their relationship has so far not directly violated United States anti-trust laws, it has been regarded as an existential threat to the future of boxing. One promoter, one manager neither wanting to jeopardise their prize assets = shitty uncompetitive boring fights. However, Haymon now represents so many fighters that it is becoming mathematically impossible for his fighters to avoid each other! Case in point Matthysse vs Danny Garcia of which Schaefer says: “I know fight fans want this fight and I will get it done.” Maybe a monopoly will work. Damn it – if Pacquiao was a Haymon/Goldenboy fighter, you have to admit that he would currently be more likely to face Floyd than not.

I asked Schaefer how he would describe Haymon’s negotiating style. He smiled then began to visibly perspire.  “Whoah…tough guy…once you have a fight, you think …here we go again. He’s a very very tough negotiator and I think that’s one of the reasons why Floyd Mayweather is the highest paid athlete in the world.  That’s why, at the end of the fight, all the fighters who are managed by Al Haymon, first they thank Al Haymon and then they thank God.”

A more successful road map for peace. 

It’s safe to say that Goldenboy is unequivocally the number 1 promoter right now. When asked about how it felt to have overtaken Top Rank Schaefer said: “Pretty good! I don’t want to blow our own horn, we used to be even (with Top Rank) but the difference is getting bigger and bigger. I think the difference is, like Floyd says hard work and dedication and treating the fighters right, compensating them right and building relationships.” What about doing business with TR again? Is there a road map for peace? “There is no road map. I tried it too many times and I am sick and tried of it. I don’t want to deal with them anymore. (very pregnant pause.) They’re a sinking ship!”

The conversation turned to Peter Quillin but “Sugar” Schaefer was clearly still fired up. “Peter Quillin? We are currently looking at 2 possible opponents. I don’t want to disclose the names because if I do Bob Arum is going to want to get them as well. Unfortunately, we are living in a world now where there is one guy over there who is just happy fucking things up which I’m trying to put together so I really can’t talk as freely anymore as I would like.”

Schaefer is a businessman. He doesn’t seem at all afraid of Top Rank or any competition – he just wants things to run…dare I say… like a Swiss watch? He wants to instil a functional and constructive environment where he can do business. “Constructive” and “functional” are not words most fans would associate with a sport whose match-making can seem as arbitrary as its scorecards but even when describing Floyd’s marketability Schaefer assessed Mayweather with the kind of candour such an environment permits. “Floyd Mayweather has a lot of fans but he has that other pool of people who just can’t stand him.”  He broke down his customers for The One into three groups:

Switzerland. Yep. Limited material on Switzerland. 

1. “Mayweather fans particularly in the urban market.”  - Black people.

2. “Those who dislike him many of those in the Anglo market”  - White people.

3. “ The Mexican and Latino fan-base who are putting all their hopes on Canelo to be the one to beat Floyd Mayweather.” – Mexicans.

Schaefer is not race baiting, he is stating the obvious. He has earmarked the people who may buy this fight, why they’ll buy it and he will go after them in a determined, efficient and professional manner that will put plenty of Sugar in his Swiss bank account. I am officially out of Switzerland metaphors.

Watson and sons.

Like father like son like son. 

REPORTING FROM THE LA PRESSER OF MAYWEATHER VS CANELO

Sam Watson (center) and his two sons, Brandon (right) and Marcus (left, I think) are ubiquitous in boxing these days. They are at every fight that includes an Al Haymon fighter; ipso facto they are at every televised fight in America. I’ll let this snippet of an interview speak for itself but I really enjoyed talking to him. Sam is as media friendly as Al Haymon is media-shy.  If ever there was a man delighted with his lot in life, it’s Watson and when you speak to him you just want to clap him on the back and say: “well done for figuring out life and making it work for you.”

His comments may range from insightful insider knowledge to the impossible ramblings of an idealist but one thing is certain, Al Haymon picks his fighters as judiciously as his staff and I look forward to seeing Sam again.

The Hype Men

REPORTING FROM THE LA PRESS CONFERENCE

Oscar De La Hyper

"Hype" is historically a pejorative term. A "hype-man" - etymologically speaking, is a con man, a bullshit artist, a hypochondriac whose real illness is inadequacy. In the 20's it was defined as a "swindle by overcharging or short-changing", in the 70's it was defined as "excessive or misleading publicity or advertising" and now in the twenty-teens, it's neither pejorative or derogative, it's just the reality of Mayweather vs Canelo aka The One. Even the promoters casually use the term because there is no way, at the very least financially, that this fight is going to disappoint so let's just use the damn word. 

Schaefer: Nice Guy btw

Yesterday, this eleven city hyperactive press tour came to Los Angeles in a fit of hyperbole like a hypodermic needle to the spine of boxing fandom. There were streamers, Corona girls, lights, big screens, music, smack talking and most importantly there were a shit load of people. Oscar  said there were over 10,000 in attendance. Sure, why not. When I interviewed Richard Schaefer (nice guy btw) you could sense the genuine astonishment about the turn out. "I have never, and I mean NEVER (wiping is brow and grinning ear-to-ear) seen anything close to this even Oscar vs Floyd." As a matter of fact, "Oscar vs Floyd" would be a fitting subtitle to this presser but more on that later. 

Streamers. 

Goldenboy have spent a lot of money promoting this tour. Schaefer told me that by the time it is all said and done the figure will be around $2 million. Closing down Times Square alone albeit for a few hours, cost $300,000 which oddly seems like a good deal. But shed no tear for Goldenboy, they sold out the MGM grand in RECORD time, it's a RECORD gate for what they are touting as the biggest fight on RECORD which will make RECORD breaking PPV numbers. God bless America, I love how one's own hype is suffused by capitalistic self-congratulation as if the fact that Goldenboy are making record profits somehow will make a pugilistic contest more palatable for the viewer. This is me taking a bow for the most pretentious sentence that I could possibly conjure. Of course hypes makes fights. Gratification = substantiated anticipation; and here's a bow for the second most pretentious. 

"Like I said before"

Floyd, the perennial self-promoter, is at an interesting point in his career, not dissimilar to the Klitchkos. He has to, in the original sense of the word, hype his own opponents because if they were presented organically, no one would ever doubt that Floyd would win and no one would care. When he was fighting Guerrero, he almost had to hype his opponent and himself in equal measure just to rally his base. Mayweather has to straddle that line of hyping his opponent so you think there is a chance Floyd could be beaten so you buy the fight and denigrating them to get a psychological edge, make conflict, create good tv....so you buy the fight. Yesterday he made fun of Canelo saying, "this guy made his name on my undercard" and "this is his first PPV" as if to say "what's all this hype about?" No surprise that you didn't hear that kind of banter in the build up to Guerrero. 

Blueprint for my Hype-dar

Oscar made it clear that he thinks Canelo is going to beat Floyd. The needle of the hype-dar (copyright 2013) flickers a bit here but there was an emotional quiver in De La Hoya's voice when he said earnestly in front of Floyd and the heavily Hispanic crowd: "I believe that Canelo is the One who will beat Floyd Mayweather." Oscar and Floyd: I cannot begin to imagine the complexities of that relationship. Oscar, beaten by Floyd in a tight split decision on the night Floyd wore Mexican garb is promoting Mayweather in a possible passing of the torch fight. I am sure Oscar would have preferred to pass it himself without Floyd as the intermediary. Floyd responded to Oscar's prediction by calling Richard Schaefer the "real Goldenboy" and excessively thanking Schaefer and his family. It was awkward antagonistic iconoclasm in front of the Latino crowd for whom De La Hoya is no longer just a boxing but a business role model as well. Put simply, Mayweather is good at riling Hispanics. 

Yes drill sergeant! 

Ultimately, even the most cynical boxing aficionado knows that September 14th is a big one. It really is the best facing the best and the fight truly does hype itself. We could hear nothing about it until the day before and it will still do record breaking numbers; but what fun would that be?