My Ultimate Fighting Cherry

I have prolonged it for as long as possible but the inevitable can be delayed no longer. On November 16th, I will attend my first ever live MMA event and in truth, I am excited.

My relationship with MMA is akin to the Kubler-Ross grief hypothesis otherwise known as the 5 stages.

Denial: not just a river in Egypt. Ha. Ha. 

Stage 1: Denial. I wrote off MMA. It will never last, I declared. It’s rubbish. I won’t watch it. Waste of bloody time is what it is. Stage 2: Anger. Screw this UFC nonsense. Boxing has been around for three hundred years, what do we need this steroid ridden clinch-fest for anyway? It’s a thin strip of spandex away from being pornographic for goodness sake! Stage 3: Bargaining. Look the only reason the UFC is anything is because it is a centralized organization, well backed and well marketed. The product itself is garbage. Anyone who watches it is has been effectively conned by the Man. Stage 4: Depression. Well, I guess boxing has cannibalized itself do death and paved the way for this crap. Thanks a LOT Al Haymon. Last time I watch Friday Night Fights. Stage 5: Acceptance. You know what, there’s plenty of room for two kinds of mainstream combat sports and maybe the success of UFC is going to force boxing to up its game. Everything is going to be OK.

And what do you know? It’s true. This has indeed been the best one of boxing’s best years. The highest grossing fight of all time. Multiple candidates for fight of the year. The unending plethora of possible action fights in the most well-cultivated and well-stacked welterweight division in living memory! The HBO, Showtime, Top Rank and Goldenboy feud has even reached a sensible cease fire resulting in 2 competing brands each pushing the other to broker meaningful and entertaining fights!

Ok, I looked at the main event. Don't judge me. 

Now, here we are a fortnight before I schlep across the desert sands for my first ever MMA event in Las Vegas. I haven’t gone overboard and done something rash like check the fight card or anything. I’m not trying to win any awards here. However, I am going to drive the 4 hours, not complain, not crack wise, keep an open mind and report back in a fair and balanced manner when it is done. I think we can all indulge in a little round of applause for me for being so grown up about this whole enterprise. Now, I am not being funny but is a rear naked choke hold an actual thing or…